Why I Am Not at the Castle Bash

I lived at the "Castle" a good many years ago. It was a very confusing time in my life. I'd been dumped by the man I was later going to marry and I had just left my parents prison less than a year prior. This was the beginning of Rocket Queen's attempt at self-sufficiency at the tender age of not quite 18. The woman going away that the party is for I've had a love/hate relationship with for a long time and was my roommate at the time. I haven't been in close contact with her for a year or two and my feelings about her and hers about me are quite mixed. I just didn't really want to deal. I feel very strange in certain surroundings and with all the memories that have been coming up lately, I didn't want to dig up any more. I realize that many members of Rocky past and present will be represented, and I have a great deal of affection for them, but the show will live on and I hope to remain somewhat involved for a while to come. My social anxiety is also reaching its peak again and nowhere is this more amplified than at festive gatherings. It's been really interesting knowing the Japanese-Irish Aries. My life is probably better for it. Best of luck in San Diego.

How I Became the "Rocket Queen"

Some folks may wonder hey, how'd I get the name Rocket Queen? Well, I thought I'd tell you. Just let me adjust the Otter Pop I'm attempting to eat and I'll get started.

It's very simple really.

December 2000: I wander into the horribly trendy Hot Topic store at the Westlake mall. Why? I don't know. I walked to the back where I glimpsed a black bra covered with silver skulls and crossbones with a matching thong. I was going to Denver in less than a week to visit my estranged husband for Christmas. He always had a thing for pirates so I bought the skull and crossbone set as a surprise. Besides which, it was cool.

Jump to sometime 2001. I can't remember exactly when but it may have been spring or summer. The weather was better at least. I had, at that time, what in some circles is referred to as a "fuck buddy" (i.e. a good friend to have no-strings sex with when no one else was around and the thrill of the chase seemed like too much work) He was, in appearance, a mixture of Nicholas Cage and Jerry Seinfeld and until he started smoking crack and disappeared was a really neat person to hang out with. This was just such a "Jesus Christ it's time I got laid at 3am" situation and due to my lack of laundry, I would wear the skull and crossbones bra a lot. Besides which, it was cool.

I forgot I was wearing it though, until we were rolling aroung on the floor and he removed my shirt and stopped for a second, got quiet, got a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Oh my god, You are SO the Rocket Queen!!!!" And I said, "Yes! I am the Rocket Queen!!!!" and much more physical activity ensued.

A few days later someone was talking to me and said something about me being so cool and I said "That's because.... IamtheROCKETQUEEN!" It stuck.

There. That's how I became the Rocket Queen. All because of a Hot Topic bra.

You know you're in a relationship when....

You no longer bother to hold in your farts.

Embarrassing grooming habits come out of the closet.

Instead of gently trying to turn them, you just whack them when they snore.

You share the sink at the same time.

You use the toilet when they're in the shower.

You realize if you sleep with someone else someone's going to get mad.

When people see you out alone they ask you where your boyfriend/girlfriend is.

You tend toward one particular side of the bed.

Hanging out without them seems odd and somewhat naughty in a good way.

You've had "the exclusivity talk".

You know what they like to eat, what music they hate, what weird little things they do for no reason, what they say in their sleep, and you suddenly freak out when you realize half of their closet is populated with your clothes.

Here we go again......