So, to recap.

[rockettqween]

Workout Partner came home early from gun nut camping trip because "he was cold." Yeah tough guy, I missed you too. *smooch*

PMS officially started Saturday. Feel free to fear me for the next week. When the moon is full it will be safe to approach me with ridiculous banter. I will be less likely to tear your head off.

Hmmmm... I've been snarling at people all weekend. Plus I'm feeling somewhat ill. My joints have been aching and my hands are periodically hurting like hell, especially in the morning. The mentor thinks it may be rhumatoid arthritis. Apparently when it strikes at my age its genetic. I don't know. Aleve seems to help but I can't take it too often. Naproxen is really fucking harsh on your stomach.

I hope my ex behaves himself when he's in town. He will probably be hanging out in the same places I go. He's great to hang out with when he's not trying to get me to get back together with him or dredging up all the things I did to blow up our relationship (he is of course still claiming some degree of innocence and chalks up our troubles to my alcoholic drug addled madness.)

I want to move back to Capitol Hill.

My neck really fucking hurts.

Someone I used to date who pretends not to know me when we run into each other got married Saturday. That's nice. I'm not sure what I did to warrant the silent treatment but I was drinking quite a bit back then.

I'm generally in a pissy mood. I should have lots to talk about at the Monday night Shadow Self Integration group. (SSIG?)

I feel like change is in the air. It's hanging very heavily and people are doing nutty things.

Hmmm..... I wonder how long that condom has been sitting under the computer.

Ack. My hands are screaming. I wish I had health insurance.

Comments

Re: I gotta ask...

[lawst.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, you can't go see my doctor because she works for the Veteran's Administration hospital. Her specialty is treating female veterans with PTSD, both combat and sexual related. I can, however, ask her if there is anyone she knows outside of the VA.

I don't mind posting all this stuff or talking about it. I figure that if it's out in the open my friends are less likely to panic if I tweak for some reason. I'm getting a lot better, but I'm still prone to an occassional flashback if I'm not paying attention to myself.

Re: I gotta ask...

[rockettqween.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I figured that out a few minutes after posting. I don't have any combat related trauma, but I do have some PTSD from some situations I found myself in as a younger person. I kind of know where you're coming from. It's a good thing I have a patient boyfriend who doesn't take my sudden occasional flashbacks in bed personally. We're actually able to joke about my running and hiding in the closet now as long as I'm not in the middle of one.

Re: I gotta ask...

[lawst.livejournal.com]

It's good to have a patient partner. Jason's been amazing over the years. I know there are a few times when he was on the verge of leaving me, but I'm grateful he didn't. He's been a big part of helping me work stuff out. I'm finally at the point where I can joke about the flashbacks. When I talk about what caused them, I tend to either avoid the subject or make light of it, depending on my mood. I rarely talk about the details of the shit I went through in Somalia at any length. I'd rather tell the funny stories, although "funny" is rather sujective when you're talking war. The things a person finds amusing tend to get a bit skewed under pressure.

I guess the most important thing I've learned is that it's never going to go away. Once I got a handle on that simple fact I was better able to get on with dealing with the other stuff. It's been a long process of dealing with my anger, washing the blood off my hands and exorcizing my ghosts.

Re: I gotta ask...

[rockettqween.livejournal.com]

I believe a twisted sense of humor is a necessary survival skill. Hang in there and look out for flying baby powder.

Re: I gotta ask...

[lawst.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Having kids has been good for my soul. They help me keep my sanity.