On a lighter note....

[rockettqween]

Random quotes I've heard that made me happy....

"She's a small, blind, Mexican prostitute. We have nothing in common."

"They're nice people. Well, they're the type of people who won't anally rape you in your sleep."

"I don't know why you're looking at that missing poster. They're all dead." (from a security guard at juvenile court in front of the metal detector.)

"I can't believe he's taking this song and turning it into a Nazi death march." (at a gay bar on Karaoke night during a frightening rendition of "The Greatest Love of All".

"My pants are too tight. Does anyone want to trade pants?"

"You knew it was a snake when you picked it up."

"The hamster is not allowed inside."

"Do you like my new lipstick?" "Yeah. It looks really hot in that socked in the mouth sort of way."

"And that's how lumpy learned how to roll."

"Paint my fucking dick in marble."

"I have a hello kitty vibrator."

"I could tell by the way you dance that you'd make a lousy whore."

"God is not my little buddy."

"Welcome to Miami."