Aug. 28th, 2002

rockettqween: (Default)

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

Ummm.... yeah.

Okay, so I figured out what all my friends have in common. I have this really varied group of friends and I'm not sure I could get them all in a room without somebody killing someone but, each and every one of my friends can make me laugh. If they do it right, they make coffee come out of my nose. If they do it even better they can break me so that I'm gasping for air with my head on the table.

That's it. You don't make me laugh, you can't be my friend.

Watched Jeanette Lee win a 9-ball match on ESPN today. Jeanette Lee is one of the few celebrities I would probably have a seizure upon meeting. Jeanette Lee is hot. Jeanette Lee has really sexy hair and nails. Jeanette Lee owns the pool table. Jeanette Lee has amazing cue ball control. Jeanette Lee says the cutest things in the middle of a game. She actually stopped the game to have someone come in and remove a bug off the table because she's "really not a black widow." then got pissy and said, "Hey, don't squish it on the table!" I can just see bug guts messing up the rolls. She's adorable. My workout partner was also drooling. "She's Asian, and she has really nice hair and she can REALLY PLAY POOL! Mmmmmmm. Yum."

Sexy Asian chicks that play kick ass pool totally rock.

Jeanette Lee..... Mmmmmmm...... Want.

Then I went to my latest job interview selling shoes at Aerosoles. Who knows? I was very hungry and didn't have enough time to grab food before hand because I was watching Jeanette Lee (mmmmmm.....yummy) play pool on ESPN. So I was starving and I was looking at my interviewer (who had really weird eyes) thinking, "I wonder what your head tastes like." and stumbling over interview questions.

I wonder what would happen if I went to an interview and actually told the truth...

"Yeah, um the Java Club? I left that job because I flipped out on a customer and the boss was on drugs and the people who wandered in off Aurora wouldn't stop hitting on me."

"What kind of club did I manage? A nudie bar. I used to work at the busy one, but I didn't kiss enough ass so I took a pay cut and got sent to the slow one. I was surrounded by naked chicks. It was my job to make sure everything looked legal. Why did I leave? Um, I got fired possibly for sleeping with a dancer, or maybe it was the dj. Maybe it was the Near Beer party I threw for the employees the night no customers came in at the strip club equivalent of Siberia. Maybe it was the fact that I ordered too much near beer. Maybe it was the "No Whining" sign I made. Maybe it was wiping off my face after the big Italian owner kissed me on the cheek. Maybe it was the time I got pissed off and locked myself in my office to sharpen pencils. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't fire the girl on heroin, I gave her the number to a kick doctor, a detox, and an NA meeting schedule when she told me she wanted to quit. Why she talked to me about it, I don't know. We're technically supposed to get rid of the heavy drug users. In reality they're just not supposed to get caught. I didn't fire the resident prostitute either because she always followed the rules when I was around. Could have been anything. I got unemployment though."

"If I saw someone stealing, I'd probably just throw a spit ball at them."

"Why yes, I've taken merchandise without paying for it. That's what you do when you're broke, right?"

"I'm sorry I'm a little out of it. I forgot to eat this morning and I can't help wondering what your head tastes like."

"That's a really stupid question you just asked... did you make it up yourself or did someone give you a list of questions to ask like when I was in management and had to hire a new bouncer. Hey, at least I'm not a neanderthal. This interview should be much easier than some of the ones I had to conduct. You have no idea who tries to apply for bouncer jobs. Sheesh."

"Part Time? Full Time? For god's sakes, I don't care if you give me part time or full time, how much you pay me, just give me a fucking job so I don't have to keep interviewing!!!"

"Sure I'm available anytime. Of course if you tell me to get here early in the morning I will curse you and probably call in sick a lot. You don't mind if I'm late every day and don't function unless I bring in coffee and smoke cigarettes regularly do you? I'll show up as much as I can until you decide to fire me for attendance."

"Why do I want to work here? I don't even rememeber applying. I think it was one of those 3am job finding whims. It was easy to press a button to "apply here". Gave me something to do besides Live Journal. I don't really want to work here. I didn't think to myself as a child, "Gee I have to work for [insert random company here] when I grow up." But I like to have money to buy junk I don't really need and more makeup cause I'm not wearing enough so I thought, hey, I could be a retail monkey for a while. As long as it didn't interfere with my social life too much. Then I could buy another pair of platform spikes that I wont wear very often."

"You'll call me? Great. Why don't you just tell me to fuck off now. Then I won't be in suspense."

"Yeah, It was great meeting you too. I'm sure you'd be no fun to hang out with."

It probably wouldn't go over real well but it's a little fantasy of mine.


rockettqween: (Default)

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