What's Really Going On

[rockettqween]

- Had a discussion about the homoerotic content of the Lord of the Rings trilogy with my workout partner. Realized we are both twisted fucks. Who cares? Anyone wanna dispute that Sam is just begging to be clueless Frodo's little bitch and that Merry has a boner for Aragorn?

- Went to a 12-step meeting tonight. They had no coffee. It was tolerable anyway.

- The Mentor told me he thought I would probably never be happy but I had the potential to achieve much and should give up the futile pursuit of happiness because unless I fixed my fundamental problems, I was doomed so I might as well try to get things done instead. Of course, he has a point. I've been so fixated on trying to determine what makes me happy and trying to figure out what to do to make me happy, I haven't gotten anything done and therefore have been miserable because I accomplish nothing and therefore feel worthless. New plan of attack: pick something to do that will make me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. Abandon obsession over whether or not I'm happy and/or fulfilled and what that could possibly feel like.

- Been grousing about in self-pity mode. I realize this is lame. I'd actually rather be learning new stuff.

- I find myself resenting people in the arts and entertainment field. I used to be a community theatre geek until I moved to Seattle and went on a strange life trip instead. My only time to put my talents on display should not just happen in a karaoke bar or a Rocky Horror show. I don't know anyone directly involved in local theatre now and don't know how I would budget the time to pursue the creative stuff.

- I think my Best Buy job interview bombed. I need to go back to school.

- My ex-husband told me he's going to go to school to be a mortician. I laughed uncontrollably for several minutes. Apparently he's serious. "Make good money and play with dead people. Pump them full of formaldehyde. You have to do it right or you'll blow their eyeballs off."

- I've always wanted in the medical field. Have thought seriously about nursing school.

- Tomorrow is Sunday. Karaoke with the damned. First my son's 5 year birthday at my parents house. I am not looking forward to hanging out with my family but for my son I will show up. I miss the little guy. The situation is slowly tearing me down.

- Child support hearing next month at fuck thirty in the morning. I can't afford a lawyer to tell them I don't have a job. Leave me alone for a while.

- My workout partner is being extremely patient with me these days. I've been a bitch lately and an emotional basket case.

- Mammogram on Wednesday. In theory it's nothing. My over dramatic imagination has pictured me bald with one breast more than once this week.

- I really need more to do.

Comments

[thogs-travels.livejournal.com]

Have you thought about message therepy classes? I know a friend in that field, and she's just starting her own clinic. You might do well at it.

Otherwise, if you look at the medical field, pick carefully. You're easily smart enough, but there is a fair amount of BS that goes on in that environment that makes office work look like fun. Depends on what portion of the field your in.

The Mind In Ex- Hell!!

[caterpillergirl.livejournal.com]

What I personally find that works as a sure fire ticket out of "momentary" depression is the beautifully fucked up visions of where you life could have been if yah just stuck with that Ex?? I mean, the man was going places...??@#$@?? For myself, I could have been the wife of a Sherwin Williams assistant manager if I just could have learned how to hang with a man that couldn't think without the television gods!! (fuck I think thats a line from a Depeche Mode song??) Hmm... what else, a professional student?? 9 years and still rowing for that AA... ummm... or I guess the topper of all toppers is that wonderful, caring boy that has/is oh so ambitiously working his way UP UP UP through the corporate line at the O'boy O'lberto factory!! I tell yah, not a day goes by in my life where I don't sit there, sulking, and pondering over what could have been?? Would I have known all the wonderful secrets on how to properly kill and violently slaughter the fuckin' momentary existance out of a Holstein?? Could I have stumbled upon the Kernal's secret blend of herbs and spices?? (shameless to think about the loss)... Wanna' shoot stick sometime? I sure do love Billiards!!!

[savannarama.livejournal.com]

...The entry about your wedding was incredibly surreal. I had an easy time picturing it! Er...Wow. :)

Good luck with your mammogram Wednesday. I have to have them annually starting this year, because of my family history, and I am
really horribly scared. Of course, Oprah had one on t.v.--which I didn't catch--so it can't be too bad. I bet a leg wax is worse.

Don't know if you've seen this or not

[lectar.livejournal.com]

http://diaries.diagon.org
The secret diaries of the lord of the rings.

Meditation

[jeanlikover.livejournal.com]

It's important to meditate for at least 20 minutes a day. Unless, of course, everything has gone to hell in a handbasket, the rent is due, the bill collectors are pounding on the door, everyone you know is demanding attention and everything has gone wrong AND...THERE IS NO TIME...Then one should meditate for at least an hour.

Hey, get on it!

[jeanlikover.livejournal.com]

I have no life and therefore have to read about yours-would you please get on the ball and screen your comments so the rest of us "no life" mf's can read 'em? Thank yew very much! I mean what do you have to do? Just get a job, eat, sleep? We all gotta do that too. So, girlfriend, screen your posts, OK? You can give me a nasty reply if you like-at least I'll have something to do-like compose an appropriately witty reply.