I Need a Subject, Any Ideas?
Jul. 28th, 2002 01:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rockettqweenBlah. Inside prattling away at the computer due to lack of $$ for going out and playing on a Saturday night. Need to clean and organize room. I'm almost afraid to put pictures on the walls. It would be like I'm living there or something. I still maintain the fantasy in my head that I'm just a permanant guest that gets mail there but I need a little bit of grounding.
Had an interesting night at the club. Saw my ex-lovely roommate who actually checked her messages for once. We are apparently talking again. I am relieved. I still harbor resentments about what happened but I realize I was expecting her to act like someone other than herself. Bad move. I need to stop expecting people to act differently than what they're capable of.
Talked to my ex-husband on the phone for a while while waiting for a pool game. I am a mental masochist. He said I should get a passport so I can go to Mexico with him when his accident settlement comes through. I mentioned that someone close to me would have a big problem with that. He conveniently forgot I was seeing someone. Why do they only want you back when you're involved? Low down dirty tricks appealing to my Gypsy blood. He knows it's difficult for me to turn down a travel invite. We talked in circles for a while about he said/she said stuff. Same old circle. Thankfully I had to excuse myself as it was my turn to get my ass kicked around the table.
Felt miserable. I really only miss him for the sex and as someone fun to hang out with. He's truly beautifully twisted and the closest thing to a male me that I've found yet, but should you really be with someone just like you or someone that balances out your strengths and weaknesses? Marriage material? Fantasy gone wrong. Very wrong.
I realize I can't remember who all was in my wedding party. This sort of bugs me. I remember half of them were wearing black leather and the rest were in black velvet. I remember the bloodletting at the wedding reception which wasn't funny or intended then but is rather hilarious now. Imagine someone wacked out on vodka and no sleep having just been dumped by a woman in attendance at the reception (they were both, ironically enough supposed to be the best man/maid of honor but both backed out) pulling out a knife in the parking lot and slashing open his arms screaming, "YOU BROKE MY SOUL!!!!!! YOU WHORE OF SATAN!!!!!!!!!" at your wedding and then throwing coffee at someone's car. I used to have more mentally disturbed friends than I do now. I'm grateful for the upgrade.
I also remember someone playing Depeche Mode's "Blasphemous Rumors" when we walked in, the freshly married couple having just signed the license and doing a shot of something that the minister (our auto mechanic) made us do.
I deep throated a cake tier. My bachelorette party the night before blew the big one.
I found out I was pregnant after the engagement but we went through with plans to keep the original wedding date. 6 months pregnant, letting out the rented dress three times. Woke up lactating with ankles too swollen to fit into my borrowed shoes. Watched Tank Girl for the first time on video with an ice pack on each ankle in an effort to quell the swelling.
Because I was pregnant my unthrilling group of bridesmaids only allowed me a glass of wine and had issues with the cigarette I wanted with it. I asked where my stripper was and they told me they decided not to get me one because I worked as a stripper at the time (yeah, pregnant stripper - geez my life has improved) and they figured I would be disgusted with one.
I was pissed. I was getting married the next day and I wanted a stripper dammit. Male or female. I didn't really care. It's the principle of the thing. Instead we went to one woman's house and I was forced to sit through her vegan save the environment soapbox. I was bored to tears.
My future ex-husband however, was being dragged from gay bar to gay bar because he didn't want anything to do with local strip clubs since he'd been in most of them a time or two to pick me up and insisted on NO STRIPPER. They obliged. They even took him to a leather bar.
We got married outside. It was nice out in Seattle in April. We did it on the Harbor Steps downtown. Tourists took pictures.
Later that evening it rained like hell and we went to Denny's for a free meal on the manager. Went back to the room we were renting in a U-District flop house and went to sleep. It was all downhill from the honeymoon on.
Luckily my friends now are cool enough, if I ever got married again, they would most definitely get me a stripper and then some.
Had an interesting night at the club. Saw my ex-lovely roommate who actually checked her messages for once. We are apparently talking again. I am relieved. I still harbor resentments about what happened but I realize I was expecting her to act like someone other than herself. Bad move. I need to stop expecting people to act differently than what they're capable of.
Talked to my ex-husband on the phone for a while while waiting for a pool game. I am a mental masochist. He said I should get a passport so I can go to Mexico with him when his accident settlement comes through. I mentioned that someone close to me would have a big problem with that. He conveniently forgot I was seeing someone. Why do they only want you back when you're involved? Low down dirty tricks appealing to my Gypsy blood. He knows it's difficult for me to turn down a travel invite. We talked in circles for a while about he said/she said stuff. Same old circle. Thankfully I had to excuse myself as it was my turn to get my ass kicked around the table.
Felt miserable. I really only miss him for the sex and as someone fun to hang out with. He's truly beautifully twisted and the closest thing to a male me that I've found yet, but should you really be with someone just like you or someone that balances out your strengths and weaknesses? Marriage material? Fantasy gone wrong. Very wrong.
I realize I can't remember who all was in my wedding party. This sort of bugs me. I remember half of them were wearing black leather and the rest were in black velvet. I remember the bloodletting at the wedding reception which wasn't funny or intended then but is rather hilarious now. Imagine someone wacked out on vodka and no sleep having just been dumped by a woman in attendance at the reception (they were both, ironically enough supposed to be the best man/maid of honor but both backed out) pulling out a knife in the parking lot and slashing open his arms screaming, "YOU BROKE MY SOUL!!!!!! YOU WHORE OF SATAN!!!!!!!!!" at your wedding and then throwing coffee at someone's car. I used to have more mentally disturbed friends than I do now. I'm grateful for the upgrade.
I also remember someone playing Depeche Mode's "Blasphemous Rumors" when we walked in, the freshly married couple having just signed the license and doing a shot of something that the minister (our auto mechanic) made us do.
I deep throated a cake tier. My bachelorette party the night before blew the big one.
I found out I was pregnant after the engagement but we went through with plans to keep the original wedding date. 6 months pregnant, letting out the rented dress three times. Woke up lactating with ankles too swollen to fit into my borrowed shoes. Watched Tank Girl for the first time on video with an ice pack on each ankle in an effort to quell the swelling.
Because I was pregnant my unthrilling group of bridesmaids only allowed me a glass of wine and had issues with the cigarette I wanted with it. I asked where my stripper was and they told me they decided not to get me one because I worked as a stripper at the time (yeah, pregnant stripper - geez my life has improved) and they figured I would be disgusted with one.
I was pissed. I was getting married the next day and I wanted a stripper dammit. Male or female. I didn't really care. It's the principle of the thing. Instead we went to one woman's house and I was forced to sit through her vegan save the environment soapbox. I was bored to tears.
My future ex-husband however, was being dragged from gay bar to gay bar because he didn't want anything to do with local strip clubs since he'd been in most of them a time or two to pick me up and insisted on NO STRIPPER. They obliged. They even took him to a leather bar.
We got married outside. It was nice out in Seattle in April. We did it on the Harbor Steps downtown. Tourists took pictures.
Later that evening it rained like hell and we went to Denny's for a free meal on the manager. Went back to the room we were renting in a U-District flop house and went to sleep. It was all downhill from the honeymoon on.
Luckily my friends now are cool enough, if I ever got married again, they would most definitely get me a stripper and then some.
