Sep. 27th, 2002

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Saw a bunch of cheerleaders at the corporate coffeeshop today. I remember cheerleaders from high school. I'm thinking they're still the same brand of cruel sadistic embryos that I remember. My workout partner told me "No massacring the cheerleaders." I was grumbling about cruel sadistic bitches only slightly in earshot of the teenaged evil.
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So, someone I used to see in 12-step meetings died recently. She was about 20, 21 or so. Cute, petite, dating a friend of mine. She O.D.'d and he found her in his bed. Following the news a local meeting was full of people talking about her and the usual comments when a person in the program dies: "Well, some of us have to die in order for the rest of us to live.", "That's what drug addiction does.", "I hope we can all learn from this so they didn't have to die in vain." etc.

There were also the folks that knew her from the street, someone who used to sleep with her, and friends who were shocked that she was dead so young speaking up followed by the obligatory asshole who didn't actually know the deceased but used to lust after her trying to sound important saying, "I didn't really know her but I shook her hand once."

All I could think of was two things. First, the last conversation I remember having with her in which she said she had to leave Seattle because she was starting to get close to people here and that was too much for her to handle. Guess she got her wish.

Second, I thought to myself that I was glad that wasn't me. Being talked about and made an example of in a 12-step meeting. Anyone who slept with me publicly admitting it, grungy old men that creeped me out saying it's such a shame when in reality they didn't know me and wouldn't make eye contact with me because they were too busy staring below the neckline. My legacy left behind an emotionally distant boyfriend and the desire to run. Women crying over me that didn't bother to call me up to hang out.

Why do people who didn't know or didn't care that much about certain people that die take it as an opportunity to get attention. To emote publicly even if in reality they didn't have much to do with them. It almost seems disrespectful not only to the dead but to their close friends as well.

A recent death in the "community" earlier this year also sparked off this thinking in myself.

Since when is a funeral a "scene"? I know damn well that half the people "distraught" really couldn't have cared less about the dead person when they lived. Why start now? I think it's a little too little too late. If it makes you care, try being nicer to the others you know "peripherally" in your life. Then maybe you can earn the right to cry at their passing.

Sometimes I wonder if in my will I should include a "Do Not Invite List" for the funeral. Or maybe just write something nasty to be read to all the dipshits trying to be important by being there. I don't know.

In regards to the recently deceased, she was nice to me but I didn't know her that well. I'm more concerned about the people that did, as I'm closer to them than I was to her.

The memorial will probably be another "scene". It just kind of disgusts me. I'm not a big fan of people today.
rockettqween: (Default)
I have the biggest McDonald's craving right now. I think the local one's closed though. Corporations have a hold on me today. First Starbuck's now McDonald's. What's next? Microsoft? Oh wait.....
rockettqween: (Default)
Just died my hair black again. Er, well, I had my workout partner dye my hair. It's quite amusing to take your quite masculine significant other through the steps of hair dying. He did look kind of hot in the old plaid shirt and the latex gloves. I was tempted to ask for a rectal exam. Actually I did ask for a rectal exam but I think that's been postponed. Latex gloves coated in black hair dye was enough to kill the rectal exam fantasy. Oh well.

Hair Damage Report: Some broken hairs committing suicide under the strain of life on the hairbrush. Had no real idea how long to leave dye on since we bought the stuff at a beauty supply store with no real instructions about how long or how much developer to use. Had to wing it. Hair a little mad. Will see how mad when dry.

Top 5 reasons to go back to black:

1. I think it's sexy and what I think matters most in hair color selection.
2. My son likes it better that way.
3. My mother hates it
4. My workout partner thinks it's sexy.
5. Black hides the appearance of damaged hair better than any other color. (Of course my hair is damaged due to the fact that I've bleached black out of my hair too many times. I'll never learn.)

Oh well. You're supposed to dye your hair every time you break up with someone and as my ex divorced me over the phone, it wasn't really official until we saw each other in person. (Prick). I'm so excited that he's moving back to Seattle.... really. He's supposedly driving back to Denver today to put things in order and figure out how to get his stuff in his tiny little (still unpaid for) car and get cross country to somewhere he has no job. With the injuries he sustained in the accident his work options are seriously limited as well as his skills.

Sometimes you realize things (like divorce) happen for a reason.

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rockettqween

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