Sep. 7th, 2002

rockettqween: (Default)
-I'm glad to have a place to crash at in Seattle so I'm not alone in Renton right now. It's very weird not sleeping with WP. I hope he's having fun out in the wilderness. It's been good to have the space today but realizing I'm not sleeping with him tonight is kind of bumming me out. I think I've gotten used to the warm body of someone I am particularly attached to being just in reach. Even if he's sleeping, an arm to stroke. A warm back to curl up next to.

-Been thinking a lot about the past. Mostly because I would like to free myself of it's burden an move on. I'm slowly beginning to realize that contrary to what the majority of people I knew before 1998 were saying, I deserve to have a good life. It takes a while to unlearn conditioning.

-The ex-husband is coming to town very soon. The one that broke my heart into a million tiny little pieces over and over and over again and then decided to divorce me over the phone long distance from Denver. He's coming to see our son which he very much needs to do. Unfortunately he also has somewhat of an agenda where I'm concerned. (He claims to have made a terrible mistake in divorcing me.) Thankfully he's been a good father when he's been around despite the fact that it's not really his kid. Much preferable to the parasitic junkie sperm donor.

-My relationship with my workout partner is feeling more solid despite the fact that I still harbor unresolved feelings for the ex. Luckily we've been able to talk and communicate about it. He's remarkable realistic about human nature and after an initial growl, hasn't taken it personally. Having found someone who is supportive of me being who I am and hasn't tried to change me, who seems interested in my happiness doesn't lead me to believe the grass is greener in Colorado. One door closes to open another.

-WP has granted permission to do whatever I feel I need to do to try to resolve issues with the ex even if I felt it included having sex with him. I've done a bit of thinking on the subject and I'm inclined to feel that if I were to have sex outside of the relationship it would be best to do so with someone who respected my relationship with WP. I doubt the ex would fill this role.

-For an independent person like me, the longer a leash you provide me, the more likely I am to stick close to home and appreciate what I've got.

-I've often dreamed of having a partner that would let me do whatever my heart desired. I wonder if I've actually found one. I'm taking things very slow as far as testing the waters of proffered freedom. I feel that's wise. Luckily I'm more secure in things to believe that I have all the time in the world to pursue my flights of fancy.


I'm going to fuck the shit out of my workout partner when he gets home after a long lengthy make out session.
rockettqween: (Default)
It's difficult to read and take a shit at the same time when the light in the bathroom is flickering. One wonders if the flickering could cause a seizure and there you'd be, underwear about your ankles flailing around the bathroom floor about to bite it just like Elvis Presley.
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I got to hang out with [ profile] tatustev tonight. He is terribly twisted and yet voraciously adorable at the same time.

The Mentor was at the Mercury. I played a few games of pool and he tried to calm me down as I was rather scattered which he picked up on immediately as I was missing my shots by about 1/8th of an inch.

I got a letter from Fred Meyer. Something along the lines of thanks for showing up at our interview at 10 am on Saturday. We don't want you. Please fuck off.

I got a tarot reading today. Something along the lines of work on your spirituality and try to figure out how to go in business for myself as I am going against my own personal grain trying to get hired at some stupid survival job and fit in in normal work society.

Shortly thereafter I was offered a job as a personal assistant at $18/hour. Catch is I would have to drive to do shopping and thensome. Unfortunately I don't drive. Never learned how.

I gave up on trying to fit in with corporate images and dyed my hair fuschia. Then someone actually offered me a job rather than just an interview. Maybe the reading is right.

Perhaps things are getting better on the work front.

The only reason I can see for learning how to drive is so I can learn how to ride a motorcycle. There's a Ducati Monster 750 a few years in my future. You have to have a driver's license in order to get Motorcycle Endorsement. Suck. But only 8 grand and I could have a bike that's just my size. Although someone told me I should get the 900 instead. I haven't seen them though.

I'm finally getting tired. I wonder what I'm going to spend the day doing tomorrow besides going to Rocky Horror at Midnightish. I feel like I'm on vacation.
rockettqween: (Default)
I borrowed the movie Henry and June from someone. Didn't make it all the way through the first time as I was hauled off to the bedroom mid scene. I came so hard and so often I soaked the mattress. Highly recommend Henry and June. Great film.

On a completely unrelated note, why do 38 year old Italian New Yorker divorcees with bad attitudes turn me on?

On another completely unrealated note, I finally got an explanation of how Teflon sticks to the pan.

I'm horny.

Very very horny. My mind wanders between my workout partner to Uma Thurman to the 38 year old New Yorker divorcee with a bad attitude that I was flirting with tonight.

Rowr. Lets combine the fantasy adding into the mix Maria whatsherface from Henry and June and Han Solo.


Oooh and Al Pacino too.

I want a pony.
rockettqween: (Default)
Bugsy Siegel is my hero.
rockettqween: (Default)
Anything else would be uncivilized.
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