Jun. 24th, 2002

rockettqween: (Default)
Having trouble focusing on what needs to be done. Frustrating. Time just keeps going faster and running out. I'm concerned that certain things I'm depending on won't come through. There's a lot of planning and talking about "when things stabilize" but not a lot of work being done to stabilize. It reminds me of the days when I used to smoke a lot of strange tobacco and get really exited about the things I was going to do. Except there's no strange tobacco. Just Phillip Morris and his fiberglass filters. No alcohol either. Not for over a week. Not much of anything really. I had a terrible period of mood swings and depression which I found out was partially food allergy related as an alterna-wheat flour I was using and consuming en masse contained gluten which I am also allergic to symptoms being mood wings, stomach problems and muscle spasm plus depression. I thought those pancakes tasted too good for being wheat-free. I'm also becoming afraid to ever eat Chinese food again as recently, every time I eat it, even if I'm positive it's not allergenic, I have some sort of reaction to it. I wonder if I've developed some new improved allergy. It's really messing me up. I feel like I lost a couple of weeks just recovering, being too depressed to get up, too agoraphobic to be social. I spent a lot of time doing not a lot. I feel guilty being depressed in the summertime. It's not like Washington gets a lot of nice weather. The last time it rained it actually cheered me up a little because I felt like it was okay to stay indoors all day.

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rockettqween

October 2002

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