May. 29th, 2002

rockettqween: (Default)
Fucking suck. Shit sucks. Suck it up. Be a fucking whatever.

Ever feel like your life is going somewhere but you don't know where and you know if you don't get out the map and figure out where you're going and fucking drive there you're going to go spiraling off to the side of the road until someone finds you and you realize your car's blown up and your money's all gone and you have to fucking start over AGAIN?

Just thought I'd ask.
rockettqween: (Default)
Yes, it's time to play "A year ago today". A year ago today was May 29, 2001. What was happening?

1. I was gainfully employed and 5 days away from being fired from said gainful employment.

2. I was making plans to move to Denver to be with my now ex-husband who was 6 days away from dumping me.

3. I was regularly going out to the club to do the Angry Divorcee dance (then unnamed) on my nights off.

4. I was rarely getting laid.

5. I'd picked up a cue maybe twice in my life.

6. I think that's about it aside from occasionaly hitting a twelve-step meeting and sleeping all day and oh yeah, retail therapy Fridays.

7. I had an addiction to Butterfinger candy bars.

Now what?

1. Gainful employment? What's that? Every job I've had since then has pretty much paid shit and been about as enjoyable as a pap smear. Okay this sucks but at least I know I'm not currently in danger of being fired. I'd have to have a job for that.

2. I'm now seeing someone who treats me better than my ex-husband (or any other boyfriend for that matter) ever did. I enjoy his company and we never fight. Infinitely better than guilt-trip laden long-distance phone calls

3. I'm doing less and less of the Angry Divorcee dance lately but it seems to be slowly picking back up. It's still a therapeutic way to burn off the demons that plague me. Not much changed there except frequency.

4. I have sex every day. Infinitely better than masterbating to Marquis de Sade and hating myself.

5. I play pool a minimum of 6 days a week. Entered a tournament and lost but gained respect of other players that have been doing this a lot longer than me. I have my own damn cue and I love it. I have an activity in my life that I'm passsionate about. Yay!

6. I occasionally hit a twelve step meeting and I sleep all day. I can't afford retail therapy Fridays anymore. Not much changed there. I would still be having retail therapy days if I had a job probably.

7. I still have an addiction to Butterfinger bars. I am struggling to overcome this and I did for a while until a recent relapse as the Butterfinger wrappers in the trash, on the floor and sitting in front of the computer can attest.

Is life better now? I think so. The work situation sucks ass but I wouldn't want to go back a year ago. Last summer was the emotional roller coaster from hell. I lost a job, a husband, and custody of a kid. And to think I only thought about shooting up drano once. Whew. Geez. In comparison all I have to think about now is getting a new fucking job and exercising more so I can support my Butterfinger habit.

I've come a long way baby.


rockettqween: (Default)

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